Let go of the branch

Ask Sister Mary Martha: Santos Carver

2008-07-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite B16 quotes re: WYD 2008

2008-07-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

From the "Message of the Holy Father B16 to the Young people of the world on the occasion of the 23 WYD, 2008:

- Never forget that the Church, in fact humanity itself, all the people around you now and those who await you in the future, expect much from you young people, because you have within you the supreme gift of the Father, the Spirit of Jesus.

- Apostolic and missionary fruitfulness is not principally due to programmes and pastoral methods that are cleverly drawn up and “efficient”, but is the result of the community’s constant prayer (cf. Evangelii Nuntiandi, 75)

- The Servant of God John Paul II wrote that, even prior to action, the Church’s mission is to witness and to live in a way that shines out to others (cf. Redemptoris Missio, 26)

- I invite you to observe how the Holy Spirit is the highest gift of God to humankind, and therefore the supreme testimony of his love for us, a love that is specifically expressed as the “yes to life” that God wills for each of his creatures. This “yes to life” finds its fullness in Jesus of Nazareth and in his victory over evil by means of the redemption.

- We are the fruits of this mission of the Church through the working of the Holy Spirit.

- My dear young friends, the Holy Spirit continues today to act with power in the Church, and the fruits of the Spirit are abundant in the measure in which we are ready to open up to this power that makes all things new.

- You might ask, how can we allow ourselves to be renewed by the Holy Spirit and to grow in our spiritual lives? The answer, as you know, is this: we can do so by means of the Sacraments, because faith is born and is strengthened within us through the Sacraments, particularly those of Christian initiation: Baptism, Confirmation and the Eucharist, which are complementary and inseparable (cf. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1285)

- Only Christ can humanize humanity and lead it to its “divinization”

- There are those who think that to present the precious treasure of faith to people who do not share it means being intolerant towards them, but this is not the case, because to present Christ is not to impose Him (cf. Evangelii Nuntiandi, 80). Moreover, two thousand years ago twelve Apostles gave their lives to make Christ known and loved.

- In particular, I assure you that the Spirit of Jesus today is inviting you young people to be bearers of the good news of Jesus to your contemporaries. The difficulty that adults undoubtedly find in approaching the sphere of youth in a comprehensible and convincing way could be a sign with which the Spirit is urging you young people to take this task upon yourselves. You know the ideals, the language, and also the wounds, the expectations, and at the same time the desire for goodness felt by your contemporaries. This opens up the vast world of young people’s emotions, work, education, expectations, and suffering ... Each one of you must have the courage to promise the Holy Spirit that you will bring one young person to Jesus Christ in the way you consider best, knowing how to “give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but [to] do it with gentleness and reverence” (cf. 1 Pet 3:15).

- Be prepared to put your life on the line in order to enlighten the world with the truth of Christ; to respond with love to hatred and disregard for life; to proclaim the hope of the risen Christ in every corner of the earth.

- Remember: the Church has confidence in you!

Matthew 5:20-26

2008-02-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

It is easy to get angry, because anger is a feeling that rises when we think we are faced with an evil that is difficult to overcome. Thus if we think someone wants to harm us, our actions will be guided by anger. There is a problem, though: We get angry about things that are not really an evil in themselves, but only an evil for us. When we want silence, any noise gets us angry. When we are hungry, an empty refrigerator gets us angry. Jesus goes as far as to teach that killing a man and getting angry with him are analogous evils. This is because our tendency to anger lies in self-centeredness, and when we are angry with a person, we treat him in a way that denies his dignity.

Luke 11:29-32

2008-02-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

It is hard to trust God. It's hard to live in a culture of skepticism and believe in Jesus at all. I think that "What's the point?" is the question most people ask themselves. John 10:10 - "I came so that you might have life and have it to the full!" It's hard to see and understand Jesus when we're living in the dark. And the dark is everything that keeps us from God.

God never moves - he is watching us, looking for us, crying out for us. He even makes sure we "bump into him" every now and then.

He thirsts for you. He wants to give us life to the full. He knows what that means. We just can't see him.

Psalm 34: 4-5, 6-7, 16-17, 18-19

2008-02-12T07:49:00.000-08:00

"From all their distress God rescues the just."

I'm wondering if everyone thinks they're included in the just, the way everyone thinks that they're middle class. I mean, everyone can't be middle class considering that there are huge ranges. So, I suppose everyone can't be "the just" which leads me to consider that maybe I'm not part of the just. Although, I hope to be.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit he saves."

I have a good friend who is pregnant but who just found out that her baby might have a terrible chromosomal condition which will only allow her baby to live for hours after he or she is born. I think that the Lord is close to her. I've got nothing on that kind of brokenheartedness.

Matthew 9: 14-15

2008-02-08T06:15:00.001-08:00

"Lord, you guide all things toward the perfection for which you brought them into existence. I hope in you."

Fasting helps us to break our egotism. To put Jesus and Others before ourselves and to see the great need that there is in the world - the need to know that Jesus wants nothing except for each person to feel His unconditional love.

He thirsts for you.

Psalm 1:1-2, 3, 4 & 6

2008-02-07T06:33:00.000-08:00

"Blessed are they who hope in the Lord."

"Sometimes we may feel overwhelmed...but the efforts of a prolonged battle can please Christ more than an easy and comfortable victory." Love the fight and not the fall! Push past who you are to where He is.

When I am weak, Then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).

letting go of friends' grief

2007-09-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

I found myself very sad recently that all of the moms in Daniel's playgroup are pregnant. Varying stages of pregnancy, but still pregnant.

Today, one of the moms wrote to say that the doctors could not detect a heartbeat for her baby at 20 weeks. She had made it into the "safe zone" (2nd trimester) but the baby still stopped living at 16 weeks. Hers was a very sad email - but hopeful at the end that her first son's laughter keeps her going. Still, the situation brings back memories to me of my own feelings, my lack of feelings and the silent mourning that an "almost" mom goes through alone.

I want to bring dinner to my new friend. I want to bring her flowers. I want to tell her that I understand her pain...that I believe that she has a second child.

What I don't want to tell her is that it happens to a lot of people. I don't want to share my own story with her in commisseration. I don't want to tell her that "something must have been wrong with the baby." A miscarriage brings out a lot of that. All well-intentioned of course. We all mourn our own way. Maybe she needs to hear some of that.

What I fear is that these other mommies in our group will be afraid of what happened to her. That they won't talk about it with her. That she will feel shunned or ignored in someway. If I had to suffer a miscarriage to know how to love these women (the people who share this type of pain) then I can honestly say it was worth it. I wouldn't wish it, of course, but I will accept it with peace.

Pope Benedict XVI on Mother Teresa's 'silence'

2007-09-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

I think it might be too kitchy to start every post with "the branch of..." when I have other thoughts and want to post them as well.

The following statements came from the current Pope when he was asked about the new book published on Mother Teresa [Come Be My Light]. Much has been made of her experience of silence from God. I, personally, am not sure why people are making such a big deal about it -- as though really holy people don't experience the same suffering that we all do as human beings. That seems really short-sighted. My own opinion is that it's easier to think that Saints are special somehow - that they have some "special" thing that other people don't have and that's why it's easier for them to make sacrificies and to give so generously with their lives. The truth is that it makes it more scary to think of the responsibilty we all have to strive for holiness except (personally) we're so lazy and would rather not think about it. But, the Truth is, we're all called to be Saints. We're all called to be Mother Teresa.

Here is the excerpt from ZENIT:

Benedict XVI continued: "On one hand, we have to endure this silence of God, partly in order to understand our brethren who don't know God."

On the other, he said, "we can always yell out again to God: 'Talk, show yourself!' And without a doubt, if the heart is open, we can discover the great moments of our life in which the presence of God is truly perceptible, even to us."

Seeing God

The Pope explained how it is possible to see God.

Before all, the Pontiff said, "the beauty of creation is one of the sources in which we can touch the beauty of God, we can see that the Creator exists and is good, that it is true what sacred Scripture says in the creation account."

Second, he explained, it is possible to perceive the divine presence "listening to the word of God in the great liturgical celebrations, in the great music of faith."

Benedict XVI then told the story of a woman who converted to Christianity after having listened to the music of Bach, Handel and Mozart.

Third, the Pope told the assembly of youth, one can discover God through "personal dialogue with Christ."

"He doesn't always respond, but there are moments in which he really responds," the Pontiff said.

A last way of discovering God, according to the Holy Father, is "friendship, companionship in the faith."

Benedict XVI continued: "Now, here, gathered in Loreto, we see how faith unites, how friendship creates a companionship of journeying persons.

"And we experience that all of this does not come from nothing, but has a source, that the silent God is also a God who speaks, who reveals himself, and above all, that we can be witnesses of his presence, that our faith truly brings about light, even for others."

The Pope added: "On one hand, we have to accept that in this world, God is silent, but we shouldn't make ourselves deaf when he speaks, when he manifests his presence on so many occasions, above all in Creation, in the liturgy, in friendship within the Church. And, full of his presence, we can also give light to others."

Letting go of age

2007-08-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

I look at my huge mini-van and my huge house, and I think that it's not possible that a woman of my age owns these things - actually, my exact thought is "I am so young. When did I get all of this stuff?" Putting aside the entire idea of extreme North American wealth, I am still shocked at everything that I have and how adult it all seems.

Who bought that pineapple that is sitting on the faux-granite countertop in my kitchen? What adult snuck in here and left a "land owner information letter" next to my computer? When did my parents leave all of their furniture in my home? Furniture I had never seen growing up? Where did all of this "purchased for entirely personal reasons" art come from? Why isn't my house still decorated in an "early American IKEA" style?

I'm afraid I don't know the grown-up woman who lives in my house, my clothes, my skin. I am aghast that this same woman just spent 2 minutes wondering about the punctuation of the last line. Why do I still feel young? And why can't I put an exact number on "how old I actually feel?" Because I can't.

My thinking is that this obscure age is my "heavenly age" - the age I will be when (and if) I ever reach heaven. It must be an age "outside" of myself, because the feeling is a reality but - when I reflect on it - I can't describe exactly what I mean. It is bigger than me - a bigger reality than who I am today. Because the truth is that I do know myself. I can recall many of the memories which contribute to the person I am right now. I am comfortable with who I am and with all (ok, most) of my internal workings (or, at least, I recognize them even if they don't thrill me). But this young stranger who also inhabits my soul is always there - staring in wonder at the life she leads - amazed by the man and boy who share her daily world. Impressed, if still confused, by the trappings of what it means to be an adult woman in this place.

the branch of day dreams

2007-08-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

When I was in elementary school, I was very happy living the life I had. Day dreams consisted of imaginary games and stories that I would make up as I playing. I have good memories of my childhood and I (overall) liked it very much.

Junior high was more difficult as I became the funny girl with the "great personality" who hung out with the jocks and beauty queens. At this point, my dreams became all about writing. Writing my life. Writing reality. I read voraciously and wrote story after story using a manual type writer as I sat perched on my bathroom vanity (it's an interesting picture and difficult to describe). My day dreams became a mix of reality and fantasy - a "step up" from where I was at the moment but never too far away from who I really was.

In high school, my day dreams aligned more closely with a hoped-for reality as I dreamed of becoming popular, having the greatest of all romances and accomplishing something amazing with my life for God. After watching a made for TV movie about Jean Donovon (who was killed in Central America while doing missionary work with a group of nuns), I decided that I wanted to be a missionary - to "change the world" - and that it would be ok to die trying.

Later, when I went to college, "changing the world" mellowed into just finding a good husband and raising kids. My day dreams began to take the form of just finishing school and being in love. I did a year of missionary work around the US and Canada and was confronted with the fact that it was hard work and that there was no ABC news crew following me around in order to record my service. Returning to college, I was drawn to teaching because I love Literature and teenagers and I felt like this was the difference I could make as I awaited Prince Charming. I even found a few princes - or maybe those relationships were all just a part of the day dream, since they didn't work out "happily ever after" after all.

I spent my later 20's working and drinking and still dreaming about love. Day dreams were relatively lost in the fact that teachers (although noble, perhaps) are not paid enough to wonder about what they want to do 'someday.' Their reality is that they work hard with little and sometimes have to go out on dates with "interesting" men to eat well. They live in small apartments with other teachers and use their last twenty dollars before pay day to have rickety dinner parties with questionable wine.

And then my dream of finding love was fulfilled. Poor deluded soul that was supposed to live up to all those years of dreaming. And he very nearly does. So sublty, the day dream shifted to babies and staying home and raising them and the sequel to "Father of the Bride" (the old one) started playing in the recesses of my mind. I would be glorious with my little brood. I would change the world with my womb.

Yesterday, I was watching The News Hour with Jim Mcnair (sp?) and they interviewed Benazir Bhutto. She was the first woman Prime Minister of Pakistan and the first woman to lead a Muslim country. She was 35 when she became Prime Minister. Now, Bhuttos leadership was under a little bit of a scandal, but that's not the point of this. My point is that I don't think women like Bhutto are sitting around day dreaming about how they are going to change their part of the world. They are changing it. She has an amazing education but, as she spoke, I had the distinct impression that Bhutto has had a one-track mind geared toward leading her country for a long time. And I compare her with Leanne Rhymes (the country singer), who has been pretty much famous since she was 13 years old. Totally different stories and businesses and accomplishments - but what have they got that I haven't?

I've decided that they are not lazy and I am. It's the branch of day dreams and wishing for a reality that I have no intention of creating for myself.

But now, I have the intention. I have some plans and some things I want to accomplish. I don't think any of my plans will change the world - but they just might change me.

The Baby branch

2007-08-21T12:01:00.001-07:00

It's funny that when I went to college (I really like my college), we discussed trusting in God so much. A great many of these conversations revolved around our inevitable (we thought) marriages and the amount of kids God would send us. [We were in college after all and sex is on the brain of the majority of 13-30 year olds whether this is a good thing or not.] Saying I trust in God and actually allowing Him to decide how many children I would have were very different things in my mind even then.

This is where "the rubber meets the road" as it were - pun totally intended.

But, for a long time now, my focus has been on truly believing in God and believing in His love for me and believing that He does take an individual hand in my daily life. As an "intellectual" person, believing all of these things has never been entirely easy for me - so some days, I simply have to live as though I always believe these things and just hope that they are true. For me, this is what Faith is. And this is the faith I've been living since my 18th birthday and this is the faith I apply to my life even now.

When I met my husband, who seems to have a different type of faith (which is no less Faith), we struggled with the contraception question for awhile before we were married. How would we both "let go of the branch" of control and believe that God would actively give us as many children as would lead to our eventual happiness? There was many a difficult discussion and S was only eventually swayed by the scientific 99% effectiveness of Natural Family Planning (which is not and never was "the Rhythm method," so please don't get me started). Obviously, there was still to be a measure of control in our "letting go."

Ironically, those discussions I had with my college friends all those years ago, and even those talks with S as we were first falling in love revolved around accepting the huge amount of kids who were bound to come our way as young, fertile beings. We grappled with accepting (and paying for) 5-7-even 12 children as God-given gifts.

We never discussed that God might only plan on one child for us - or maybe even none.
We never thought of the possibility that trusting God goes both ways - to many and to few - and that the accepting of God's will is no less required for "those to whom he gives little."

I have come to grapple with these things these days. That in all my holy talk, I never considered that my one, precious boy would be what God asked me to accept. And only him. How do we, who beg for so much more, let go of this branch?

Right now, my only answer is: by free-falling into the hands of a Living God.

Right after that first one...

2007-08-20T19:57:00.001-07:00

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and attempting to have a baby for 6 of those years. It worked once, two years ago. I'm not good at math, but it seems like God might be trying to tell us something if we've basically gotten one child out of 6 years of trying.

As, today, I see that our latest efforts for another child have failed, I've decided that I need to "let go of that branch." Maybe it's just time to get skinny.

Letting Go of the branch #1

2007-08-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

This blog is just for me. It's a personal blog and so I'm going to post my thoughts and feelings and anything else I want. I have another blog that is for information - I like that blog, but keep wanting something of my own too. I know it can't be a completely personal blog since I'm "putting it out there" as it were. Don't people buy journals anymore? But, sometimes, I'll like to "sound my yelp across the rooftops of the world" even if I'm the only one who ever reads it.